I really wanna get back on the bandstand, but I really don’t want to deal with the sexism
hello.
it’s March….again. COVID restrictions have me making…interesting…professional choices, screaming into the void while looking at my phone, ruminating on things beyond my control, but also savoring the things I’ve prioritized during the lock down that I fear will fall by the wayside once things “normalize”: things people with some semblance of work-life balance do, like play video games and sleep at normal hours and go for long runs and socialize with friends outside of work.
while I set aside a designated amount of time each day to freak out and be angry about how the US has handled the pandemic, as well as allow myself to feel empty and hopeless regarding all of the opportunities I lost (and will potentially continue to lose) because of it, I have prided myself on keeping a ~fairly~ level head during this situation. as restrictions have eased, there are some….attitudes…among other things…that have crept in. I suppose it wouldn’t feel normal otherwise. but. to cut straight and to the point, I am just going to go ahead and shout this out to the universe:
COULD WE MAKE IT SUCK LESS AS WE RETURN TO THE STAGES AND THE CLASSROOM? LIKE, COULD I NOT BE OBJECTIFIED OR USED AS A TOKEN AND JUST HAVE THE PRIVILEGE TO DO MY FUCKING JOB? CAN YOU PLEASE HOLD ME TO THE SAME STANDARDS THAT YOU HOLD MY MALE COLLEAGUES TO? SAME MEANS SAME, NOT MORE, NOT LESS, NOT DIFFERENT.
somehow the fact that sexism still exists in the music industry/jazz community is a SURPRISE!…… to people who have their heads up their asses
this….UNIVERSAL THING….that I’ve talked about with non-dudes of all generations, all colors, ethnicities, and religions, in all fields from tech to hospitality, from every country and every state and every political ideology….we’ve all agreed that we’ve experienced this in some way and we’re bound together by it. but try saying that to Mr. Knows-It-All in the internet comment section, Mr. I’ve-Never-Experienced-It-So-It-Doesn’t-Exist, Mr. You’re-Too-Sensitive-and-the-World-Is-An-Unkind-Place, Mr. Oh-I’m-Sorry-You-Feel-That-Way-But-I-Didn’t-Do-Anything-Wrong, Mr. Backtrack-Devil’s Advocate.
there have been some recent discussions on social media that have been, for lack of a better term, disappointing AF. there have also been some REALLY REALLY GOOD ONES that have been initiated by DUDES! some of y’all really get it, or you’re trying at least. I see you and I appreciate you so so much.
but then, some of the rest of yas…..ok. some of you seem to understand that it’s likely uncouth for you to…..straight up say to a female musician that you would like to fuck her. or that she only belongs here as a patron, not as a musician…..OK. that’s a start I guess.
but….you can’t control your need to point out that she looks even better than she plays. you can’t possibly help inviting her back to your place after your gig and then trying to manipulate her into feeling bad when she refuses. you can’t control your fingers as they grab your phone after the gig and immediately begin to text her to let her know some pointers on how to play better, just because you’re a good guy and as her friend you want to, you know, just give her some advice she didn’t ask for that will send her into a downward spiral and cause her to question her ear and every musical decision she makes. it’s just because she’s so attractive and talented that you had to comment on all of her professional pictures about how hot she is, again, and when she has the audacity to choose asserting herself and her boundaries over “being nice”, you turn the tables on her and accuse her of using you for professional gain and pick fights with her over what sexism is and isn’t, a topic that you’re clearly an expert on, what with you being a man and all. after all, since there aren’t many gigs at the moment, now isn’t the time to be talking about such radical things, like working toward more equitable representation for non-male musicians in touring bands and academia, or feeling safe on the scene, or programming/playing/celebrating music that wasn’t written by men unless it’s on a token “ladies of jazz” program.
you there, sir. I want you to reread the above paragraph and think really hard about how you would feel if another male musician said and did those things to you. if you don’t want someone saying this shit to you, why on earth do you think it’s OK to say it to someone else?
ta-da. that’s empathy.
I’m already exhausted and the titanic has barely caressed the tip of this iceberg made of shit.
WHEN IS THE TIME, other than the fucking present, TO TALK ABOUT HOW TO MAKE MORE EQUITABLE WORK ENVIRONMENTS FOR NON-MALE MUSICIANS?
I know the current situation in the world. I know there aren’t many gigs. I know everything is uncertain and we don’t know when things will be anything like how they were before, if they ever get to that point (or if they -should- tbh, a lot about the scene was shitty before Covid). things have colossally, unprecedentedly sucked. I am aware. however, not having as many gigs doesn’t exempt me or anyone else from dealing with inappropriate comments, behavior, and sexual harassment from male musicians via the internet. in fact, some of the accounts you’re reading have happened very recently, like in the past week recently. talk about keeping a sense of normalcy.
you’ve hired women to play in your bands! yeah you’re right, you’re -totally- not sexist
you’ve hired the woman in question that you’re currently arguing in the comments with to play in your band! you’re actions don’t outweigh your words if your words are fucking tone deaf, my dude
what’s that? you had a band with more than one woman in it? let’s get you an EOE card, a regular renegade you are, sir
you hire musicians based on their merit and their personal lives, gender, and sexual preferences don’t impact your hiring decisions? cool, fine, I fundamentally agree with that. I’d just like to know how many non dudes you even know of that play that same instrument. get back here, I just wanna talk. I also only hire people whose playing I like and who I genuinely like being around and yes, a lot of them are men. the actual issues go far beyond the surface of who’s getting hired and comes down to more fundamental issues like safety, accessibility, exposure, and whoooooo is encouraged to play that instrument in the first place!
being a musician is hard regardless. if you can’t hang you should quit. bruh I know it’s not easy for anyone, I am simply trying to bring light to the struggles that are specific to non-male musicians. make your own list if you want male-specific struggles, this isn’t about you. and for the love of god STOP TRYING TO MAKE IT ABOUT YOU IN EVERY DISCUSSION ON THIS TOPIC
maybe if you invested more in the scene instead of just being angry you would get hired more, just a thought. here’s another thought: maybe if we felt more comfortable, represented, and not verbally or sexually assaulted in the situations where we may be hired, perhaps we would show up more and also honestly probably play better…… but maybe I don’t want to sit in now that I’ve already been vibed for not knowing “Stablemates”, been asked if I’m the drummer’s girlfriend, been ‘bumped into’ by another male musician who used it as an excuse to grab my ass, and been literally, like, proposed to by another male musician who seriously asked to be my backup boyfriend in case my relationship doesn’t work out.
Yep.
-deep breath-
you enjoyed that Artemis record and you recommended it to (only) your female students? a true suffragette, the beacon of the #notallmen movement
here’s the thing. it’s absolutely NOT all men. ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY NOT. I could write a book about the male musicians I am lucky enough to know and work with and love who are absolutely NOT like this. The men I regularly work with, hire, and call friends are examples of how not hard it is to just be a decent human being. come onnnnnnnnnnnnnnn can we please STOP being triggered by generalized statements.
however. if the shoe fits and you are now BIG MAD and -super- triggered by what you just read, you are the generalization of men that I am describing. you are the man that this was written for. you are the man that buries your head in the sand and says it can’t possibly be a problem because ‘look what I’ve done for women in jazz’. you are the man that claims female musicians are asking to be harassed because of how they dress on the bandstand. you are the man that engages with a female musician, acting like you like what’s she’s doing musically, only in an attempt to get her to sleep with you. you are the man who gets female musicians to trust you so that you can use their insecurities against them later. you are the man that calls her a bitch and insults her musicianship after she rejects your advances. you are the man who stops hiring a woman after she rejects you romantically or sexually or has the audacity to stand up to you and calls you out on your shit. you are the man that then badmouths her to all your friends, encouraging them to not work with her cause she’s not that good anyway. you are the man who embarrasses your female students in your class and just assumes that they don’t know as much as their male counterparts. you are the man who explains to her how to play her instrument, even if you don’t play the same one. you are the man that brings up all the times she’s made mistakes so that you can feel better about your own. you are the man that makes comments about how other female musicians look in front of her as if to drop some kind of gross hint. you are the man who assumes she’s a singer, and not one who knows what key her tune is in. you are the man who is intimidated by her and you need to assert your dominance, because after all, you are the man. you are the man who can’t go against the status quo, cause what would all your buddies think if you hired a woman or non-binary person for that chair/position? you are the man that says which instruments and styles of jazz are suitable for female musicians. you are the man that makes her feel the need to never come to any hang or event without a trusted male friend in case you won’t listen when she screams NO. you are the man who drunkenly hugs a female musician without consent and then grabs her ass. you are the man that makes her afraid to go to the session, you are the man that makes her not show up to work, you are the man that makes her quit music entirely because she cannot deal with your bullshit anymore.
but no, sexism isn’t still a problem in jazz.
I am not doing the work for you. no one is obligated to inform you or do this work for you, put on your big boy pants. have honest conversations. read. and most importantly:
IF YOU WOULDN’T SAY IT TO OR ABOUT A MALE MUSICIAN, YOU SHOULDN’T SAY IT TO OR ABOUT A NON-MALE MUSICIAN, EITHER
the end.
